40 self-observations at 40

a post from 2 years ago

I wrote this article 2 years ago on Medium. I still believe in most of the items I put on the list and it feels good to observe that there are quite a few that I no longer struggle with.

Posting it here as it’s a new beginning and I would like to keep this list habit every year, maybe make it even more granular.

At 4o, in my birthday suit, at Cap Midia beach in Romania

Observing the layers that compose the answer to the ever-present self-inquiry as a 40-year-old man, lover, husband, father, friend, and professional.

1. Friendship is important, rewarding, and therapeutic. Witnessing each other’s growth, lows and highs makes me land in my body. I’m determined to dedicate more time to cultivating my friendships.

2. Parents never leave even after they have transitioned, they are ever present in those moments when I expect a call from them or know I should call. They are ever-present in the small gestures or thought patterns and also when I try to forget a childhood memory. It is nourishing to reconnect once every so often with their peaceful guidance.

3. Self-love, boundaries, and personal discipline are works in progress but crucial to the easiness I glide through life.

4. Spending some money does not mean I will not get it back.
   Money is an energy that needs to circulate.

5. Having some financial goals makes it easier to spot opportunities and distribute attention currency efficiently.

6. When I feel I lose a day in terms of productivity, I am more careful to win it in presence.

7. It’s easier to love others than myself.
   It’s possible to love them more when I start to love myself a little bit more.

8. What I put my attention on grows. What I appreciate, appreciates.

9. When developing my own projects does not flow it is a signal that I can be in service of others and that is always a win-win.

10. Openly recognizing the things that I can not do and pushing the break on overpromising is liberating and opens new doors and understandings.

11. Preparation, repetition, and intensity are true growth factors.

12. My services are worth exactly what I made last month.
    It helps if the value increases over time.

13. A long-term relationship is challenging but equally rewarding.

14. What I eat, how and how much I move, and sleep is linked with my mental and emotional clarity.

15. Clarity creates time.
    Knowing the destination, the road becomes shorter.

16. The road is the destination.
    Each day, making some steps, bigger or smaller, that’s the process of the now.

17. Self-irony is fun and healing.
    Sometimes, scratch that, a lot of times I take myself too seriously.

18. I am not the center of the universe, the world does not revolve around me, everybody is challenged in different ways and my own challenges are not that special.

19. There is no such thing as a wasted moment spent with my kids Ioana and Iancu.

20. I take fewer things for granted and am grateful for that.

21. Still, a long way to go to turn on the light of consciousness in most aspects of my life. On some, there is just a flickering flashlight.

22. Writing helps me remember.
    Forgetting is a handy avoider and a crutch.

23. Community gives and creates purpose.
    A shared life is richer.
    Community is nourishing.

24. It helps to understand something fast but it is important to have patience, resilience, and determination with myself to go deeper into practice if I want to integrate and use that aspect.

25. When not overpromising, authenticity comes to the surface, and new pieces of the “who am I” puzzle fall into place.

26. It’s harder to recognize an addiction pattern than the fact that mainstream pornography is toxic. I was reading other men’s confessions on quitting pornography and it always seemed like something pretentious, fake, and boyish.
    I now know it is not and it’s a serious contemporary distractor.

27. Pleasure is healing and pleasure without chasing goals or orgasms is logarithmically more potent.

28. Soothing pleasure, massages, and sensory deprivation tank reconnect me to my deep inner core but also the body.
    It’s easier to pay attention to the body when I experience pleasure than pain.

29. Unfinished business that is avoided is stagnant energy that occupies the space that would accommodate the newest and greatest things that are ready to come into my life.
    So much brain fog can go away if I just tidy my room or desk.
    And the clarity is proportional to the volume of cleanup I do.

30. I can hold sadness and grief without running with various distractions, and sadness needs to be held and accepted for what it is.

31. Learned to express and experience my boundaries.
    They can be flexible when I trust and appreciate myself.

32. The carousel of “I am less than someone, I am more than someone” teaches me about separation I also practice in various contexts, ending up somehow being physically or emotionally away from the group.

33. When separation collapses I can accept learning something new from someone that I no longer look up or down to.

34. Feed more through my roots and less through my mouth.
    Roots as in connection with my past and present family but also with the Earth, Mountains, Forest, Rivers, and Sea.

35. Don’t hold too tight to suffering, there is no reward.
    When I get the message, hang up the phone.

36. So much power in vulnerability and so precious to find the safe container and people I trust to express it.

37. Dance more, move my body, walk daily, and minimize time spent with technology.

38. I can’t comfort everyone, I might trigger some, and I might soothe others.

39. Like a sailboat that advances with the winds and waves of inspired action taken with authenticity and integrity, allowing course adjustments creates a wake that is capable of positively touching others.

40. There is unlimited power and clarity in my Heart.
    Attention and breath are food for the heart.
    A well-fed heart has all the answers

    

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